Grief is a deeply personal experience, and when a child loses a loved one, it can be particularly challenging. Unlike adults, children may lack the language or emotional tools to fully express their grief, and their reactions vary based on age, personality, and understanding of loss. Supporting a grieving child requires patience, sensitivity, and a willingness to meet them where they are emotionally.
Grief Has No Fixed Timeline
Children do not experience grief in a predictable pattern. They may express sadness intensely one moment and seem fine the next, revisiting their grief at different developmental stages as they understand its impact in new ways. It’s essential to reassure them that all feelings—no matter when they arise—are valid and that there is no “right” way to grieve.
Grieving involves both engaging with the pain of loss and taking breaks from it. This oscillation allows children to process emotions at their own pace. Healthy grieving means acknowledging sadness, remembering a loved one, and allowing positive emotions without being consumed by loss.
Creating Spaces for Normalcy
Even while grieving, children need moments of normalcy. Play, school, and activities provide stability and a break from grief. Peer support can also be invaluable, as grieving children may feel isolated. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can help them feel understood and less alone.
At the same time, peers who have not experienced loss may struggle to know how to respond. They may unintentionally contribute to a grieving child’s sense of loneliness through avoidance or awkward interactions. Teaching children how to support grieving peers can help foster a compassionate environment.
Helping Children Integrate Their Loss
Children process grief in a nonlinear way. Encouraging open conversations and age-appropriate discussions about death can help them express emotions rather than suppress them. Books, creative outlets like drawing or journaling, and storytelling about the lost loved one can provide meaningful ways to process grief.
Understanding Acute vs. Integrated Grief
Acute grief occurs immediately after a loss and is often overwhelming. Over time, it shifts into integrated grief. This is where memories of the loved one bring a mix of emotions but no longer overshadow daily life. Children move between these states in waves, sometimes deeply affected, other times appearing unaffected. Recognizing these shifts allows caregivers to create space for both sorrow and normalcy.
Recognizing Readiness to Resume Activities
Returning to school, sports, or social events can be a delicate balance. Some children may find routine comforting, while others may need gradual reintegration. Look for behavioral cues—interest in friends or activities may signal readiness, while withdrawal or resistance may indicate the need for more time.
Skills for Moving Through Grief
Grief is a natural response to loss, not something to be fixed. Supporting children in active grieving—whether through storytelling, journaling, or creative expression—can help them integrate their loss into daily life. Maintaining routines, and engaging in restorative activities – like naming and expressing feelings, gentle breathing exercises, or engaging in rituals of remembrance for the loved one they lost – also support emotional resilience. Children should understand that finding joy does not mean forgetting their loved one but rather learning to carry their grief in a way that allows them to continue growing.
How Children Express Grief
Children process grief differently than adults. Some may quickly resume activities, while others may withdraw. Younger children often express grief through behavior rather than words, seeking reassurance through structure and consistency. Older children and teens may struggle with feeling different from their peers and benefit from spaces where they feel understood. Encouraging creative and physical outlets—such as play, drawing, or movement—helps children process emotions in ways that feel accessible.
The Symbolic and Indirect Ways Children Process Grief
Children often express grief through symbolic actions, such as fixating on certain objects, engaging in repetitive play, or acting out caregiving scenarios. Even older children benefit from nonverbal outlets for grief, such as art and storytelling. Creating opportunities for expression without forcing conversations allows them to process emotions naturally.
Building Resilience Through Grieving
Healthy grieving helps children develop resilience—the ability to navigate difficult emotions while still moving forward. Teaching coping skills, modeling healthy emotional expression, and providing reassurance that grief is a lifelong but manageable process all contribute to this resilience. Supporting a grieving child is not about eliminating sadness but about walking alongside them as they find their way through it. With patience, compassion, and the right tools, children can navigate loss while continuing to embrace life.
Navigating grief, whether your own or your child’s, can feel overwhelming, but it’s not a process you have to go through alone. Having the support of a trained mental health professional can provide guidance, reassurance, and tools to help you and your family move through loss in a way that fosters healing and resilience. If today’s post resonated with you and you are looking for support from a therapist who specializes in grief, child development and family dynamics, you can reach out to Upshur Bren Psychology Group, where we have members of our team who are trained in the specialization. Our multidisciplinary team uses evidence-based methods to help you or your child process your grief and navigate the complexities of parenting through difficult emotions with therapeutic services in New York State as well as virtual coaching nationwide. Click here to schedule a complimentary consultation call to learn about services that would be best for you.
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