Parenthood is an incredible journey filled with love and joy. But it also comes with its fair share of stress and anxiety. From juggling daily tasks to worrying about your child’s development and future, many parents feel overwhelmed. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are common, and you’re not alone in facing them. In this blog post, we’ll explore what anxiety and stress in parenthood look like, the factors that contribute to them, and how you can manage and challenge these feelings through practical strategies like values-based decision-making and building resilience.
What Does Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood Look Like?
Anxiety and stress in parenthood often manifest as a persistent feeling of overwhelm, where everyday responsibilities—like managing a child’s schedule, household chores, or work—feel daunting. Parents experiencing anxiety might find themselves constantly worrying about their child’s health, development, or future, even when things are going well. It can look like sleepless nights spent replaying the day’s challenges or second-guessing decisions, along with a sense of guilt about not doing enough or not being the “perfect” parent. Physically, it can lead to fatigue, headaches, or muscle tension. Emotionally, it might cause irritability, frustration, or moments of feeling disconnected from the joys of parenthood. Managing these feelings can feel isolating, but they’re common experiences many parents face.
What Causes Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood?
Anxiety and stress in parenthood can be caused by a variety of factors, both internal and external. One of the most common sources is the pressure to meet societal or self-imposed expectations of being the “perfect” parent, which can lead to constant worry about making the right decisions for your child’s well-being, development, and future. Additionally, the demands of balancing work, home life, and child-rearing responsibilities can create significant mental and emotional strain. Uncertainty about a child’s health, behavior, or academic performance can also contribute to feelings of anxiety. Financial concerns, lack of sleep, and the sheer unpredictability of parenting, where things can shift in an instant, are other stressors. When combined, these factors create an environment where parents may feel overwhelmed, anxious, and under constant pressure to manage it all perfectly.
How Can We Manage (and Challenge) Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood?
One of the best ways to manage intense anxiety about your kids is by having other things in your life beyond parenting. When your entire focus is on your children, it can heighten anxiety and make it harder to cope with challenges. Having other aspects of life—whether it’s hobbies, work, friendships, or personal interests—can help balance out the stress and provide perspective. Parenting is wonderful, but it’s also scary and difficult. Spreading your energy across different areas of life can help ease some of that anxiety. A great way to do this is to get clear on your values, and make values-based decisions. We’ll talk more about how to do that next.
How to Get Clear on Your Values to Help With Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood
Take time to get clear on your values across different areas of your life, such as parenting, work, and leisure. By understanding your core values, you can make choices based on what truly matters to you, rather than just doing things you feel you should be doing. For example, if you value raising independent children, but yet you’re trying to do everything for them, this is a good opportunity to reflect and maybe make some pivots. Aligning your actions with your values helps guide your decisions and ensures you’re living more intentionally, rather than out of habit or external expectations.
Start by considering the qualities you hope to nurture in your child. Ask yourself questions like: Do I value discipline over creativity? How important is it that my child learns responsibility? Think about not just your parenting values, but also your partnership values, your work values, your leisure values. Use these questions as prompts:
- Do I value equality in decision-making, or do I prioritize emotional support and open communication?
- What are my non-negotiables for how my partner and I relate to each other?
- What do I enjoy most in my free time?
- Do I value quiet time alone, or do I prioritize socializing and adventure?
- What would my younger self be sad to learn that I no longer do?
Once you feel more clear about your values, take a look at your calendar and ask yourself: what is missing? What values do you have that aren’t present in your daily life? Get creative in figuring out how you can add those things back to your schedule.
Making time to do the things that bring you joy might not always be easy as a busy parent. But doing so will probably have a positive impact on your mental health, and help manage the anxiety and stress you experience in parenthood more effectively.
How Values-Based Decision Making Helps With Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood
Beyond just helping you add more joy to your daily life, making values-based decisions in parenthood can significantly reduce stress and anxiety by providing a clear sense of direction and purpose. When you ground your parenting choices in core values—such as kindness, honesty, or independence—you have a guiding framework that helps you navigate challenging situations with more confidence. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by outside pressure or comparison, you can focus on what truly matters to you and your family. This clarity can help reduce second-guessing and self-doubt, as you know that your decisions align with your long-term goals and beliefs. Whether it’s setting boundaries, managing discipline, or deciding how to spend your free time, using your values as a compass can simplify choices, lower stress, and create more peace and consistency in your parenting approach.
How Learning to Tolerate Discomfort Can Help Ease Anxiety in Parenthood
Making values-based decisions is crucial for managing anxiety in parenthood, but other strategies can help too. One key approach is increasing your tolerance for discomfort and uncertainty. Parenting is often unpredictable, and learning to sit with that uncertainty is a powerful tool. From the moment your child is born, you face countless unknowns about their development, behavior, and future. Trying to control everything can lead to more stress and frustration. Instead, embracing uncertainty can help you feel grounded and less reactive when things don’t go as planned. Accepting that uncertainty is a natural part of life allows you to approach challenges more calmly, trust your instincts, and focus on what’s within your control. This mindset shift can reduce anxiety, build resilience, and help you become a more flexible, confident parent.
One great way to increase your tolerance for discomfort is through low-stakes exposure experiments. Practice messing up on purpose, or let your child take the lead on something you would normally try to help him with. Maybe your son is experiencing conflict with another student during school lunch, but instead of going right to his teacher about it, you let him decide how to initially handle the situation. Or your daughter wants to walk into swim class on her own. When the usual routine has been for you to walk in with her, let her try that out. Even if things don’t always end up perfect, your child will most likely still feel good about navigating it themselves. Which, in turn, will build their confidence and independence.
How to Manage Social Media Use to Help Reduce Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood
Managing social media use when you’re feeling anxious about parenting is essential. Social media can sometimes amplify stress rather than alleviate it. Online social media platforms are often filled with picture-perfect moments and stories of “ideal” parenting. This leads to comparisons that leave you feeling inadequate or overwhelmed. To start managing this, recognize how social media affects your emotions. Are you feeling anxious or more stressed after scrolling? If so, take note of the accounts or content that triggers these feelings. Reducing your exposure to posts that make you feel like you’re falling short can help alleviate some of the pressure to be a “perfect” parent.
Additionally, keep the following in mind when thinking about your social media use:
- Performative parenting
- Remember that what you’re seeing on social media is a curated story and not reality
- Consider the messenger
- Is the person whose content you’re consuming someone who has similar values to you? Is this a person whose opinion you value and trust? Is what they’re saying going to realistically work for your specific kid?
- Limit/structure/schedule/filter your social media time
- What’s your social media time for the day? When are you doing it? When are you stopping it? Who are you following?
- Guidelines vs rules
- Even if you find someone on social media who’s consistent with your values, you respect them and what they say works for your kid, there’s no need to accept their words as gospel. Take in the information as potential guidelines for you and your family, not rules.
Other Strategies to Support Easing Anxiety and Stress in Parenthood
- Set Realistic Expectations
- Prioritize what’s truly important (consider your values!) and let go of the pressure to accomplish everything perfectly.
- Practice Self-Compassion
- Remind yourself that it’s okay to make mistakes, and that being a good parent doesn’t mean being a perfect one. Giving yourself permission to not have everything figured out can greatly reduce stress levels.
- Focus on What You Can Control
- While it’s impossible to control everything, it helps to focus on what you can influence. You can provide a loving, supportive environment for your child, ensure they have access to nutritious food and proper sleep, and maintain open lines of communication.
- Build a Support Network
- Parenting is not meant to be done in isolation. Building a strong support network of friends, family, or other parents can make a world of difference. If your social circle is limited, consider joining parenting groups—whether in person or online—where you can connect with others who understand the challenges of parenthood.
By getting clear on your values, making intentional choices, and learning to tolerate discomfort, you can significantly reduce the pressure that often accompanies raising children. Balancing your focus between parenting and other areas of your life, practicing self-compassion, and building a support network are all essential strategies for managing the ups and downs of parenthood. Remember, there is no perfect way to parent, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Prioritizing your well-being not only benefits you but also creates a more positive and stable environment for your children.
How Can We Help?
Sometimes, reaching out for mental health support is a necessary step in managing your anxiety and stress in parenthood. At Upshur Bren Psychology Group, we have clinicians who specialize in helping parents navigate the various stressors of the parenting journey. Our clinicians integrate various therapy strategies as part of an integrative and individualized treatment plan for you. We offer options for both group and individual support. If you’re interested in learning more about how we might be able to support you with your anxiety and stress in parenthood, click here to schedule a complimentary consultation call to learn about services that would be best for you.
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